Saturday, September 17, 2011

TWO FACED (A Caprice StarBRITE and Phoenix, The ReBorn Duet)

A Demon lurks within Me; seeking a way out.
Feeling my True Form making its attempt to Surface,
My Eyes are like my Soul: Lifeless and Cold.
My Warm Exterior is adding more disgust to my Icy Interior,
To a point where I am prepared to do plenty of harm
To myself and those around me.
I have been Battle Tested and Scarred,
As My Gaze tells the Draining Story of Corruption and Deception.
My weathered consciousness is weighing me down daily,
For I know not what will be my Fate...

My fate lies in the hands of an unknown entity that I wish not to know
Yet I see the satisfaction at the reflection before me
Eyes stained red with the power I’m afraid to conquer
Yet at peace with who I really am
Could this be who I really am?
Feeling the blood course through my veins
My screams echo for only my ears to hear
Fighting within myself to stay true
But finding refuge within the darkness of myself
Anguish fills my soul as I continue to battle for that last drop of sanity

My outward Sanity binds and contains my inner Insanity,
As I try my hardest to not unleash the Havoc and Hell within.
A World unworthy of my Smile and Beaming Happiness;
I keep a strong grip on My Reality before it leaves its mark.
I am a far cry from a Fractured Fairy Tale,
And no where near a Shattered Dream.
Who I am, is the Raw and Real:
Damaged beyond Repair, yet seeking a Human Mechanic
To help me re-work my Internal and Mental Plumbing
So that I may have some Grounds of Configuration.
In having this, I can only Hope that I can be realigned.
Otherwise, there is No Possible Way of obtaining Liberation.

My realignment is conformed to fit my own precedence
Forming and constructing all the parts that bind me
Swimming relentlessly in unknown waters of my own melancholy
I drown in chameleon-like appearance as my sanity questions my existence
Trying to control the inner alter that has me cloaked
I remember that…all that is me…IS
But I fearfully lock away the creature that is ME
To save the world from its demonic torture that no one should endure
Standing faulty…almost broken…I firmly believe…that
I will not rest in slumber until the alter of ME is at peace

~© 2011 Andrew Boyd~
~© 2011 D. Caprice Todmann~

Sunday, July 31, 2011

LOST LOVE (A Caprice StarBRITE and Phoenix, The ReBorn Duet)

As I await for you in my despair
My tattered wings have suddenly began to shed... feather by feather
Cloaked in icy terrains, I slip feverishly amongst the cracks
Searching for you...

I breathe in the stench of my loneliness
Awaiting for your love to fill the void of my longing
The Burning Sensation in the Air
Coupled with the Stench of Solitude
And Dismal Gray Settings,
My Heart is pained by your not being here.
The Pressures of this place with which I reside
Created a Depth of Darkness that not even I can escape.
My arms and hands outstretched,
Awaiting for your Strong Grip to rescue me
From the torment of my downfall.
It is Cold on the Outside as well as Inside,
For I need the Warmth of your Heart to deliver Salvation.

Gnawing away at my open wounds
I feel the presence of your stench beckoning me...
Calling me
Stumbling, I follow the echoing of your voice; scraping my bare feet along the terrain
We once shared in harmony
I drop to my knees as the pain smeared tears are frozen to my cheeks
No longer able to continue my journey any further
But my heart tells me otherwise
As my body unwillingly glides painfully across the murky bleakness of my strength
Shadows form their own symphony as I fall in and out of consciousness

Listen closely to My Heart Beat as it attempts to feed you Audibly
In the name of sustaining your Malnourished Soul.
There is no need to feast on your bloody flesh,
When you are worth so much more to me.
My Heart is beckoning for You to seek Me, as I do the same.
When I find you in the Darkest of Shadows,
I will lift you up, so you do not drag yourself and waste away.
I will mend your fallen feathers, and bring them back to White.
I will tend to your Wounds, and make you whole again.
The Darkness may be thick, yet it is not Unchartable.
For we shall find a way out of there, and Forever Live Vibrantly.

My eyes begin to water as I know deep down that you are not before me
Speaking words of bliss knowing they are just echoes in the wind
Holding on to the memories of what was.
I want to be lifted from the anguish that controls me limb from limb
I want my malnourished soul to feel nourished again
I want my feathers to be as they were; filled with strength and vigor
But alas, this is merely hope pounding through my loins;
Choking every last bit of breathe I have left; soaked and drowning in the metropolis of my own despair

Fighting through this Hell, I have finally found you:
Scars adorn your Spirit when I look into your eyes.
Tears escape me; Relief and Pain within each drop.
Seeing your Physical Fragile State, I know your Soul is even Worse.
I hold you close to me, as what is left of your broken wings wrap around us.
Feeling your Darkened Feathers glide down my back and legs,
Your eyes begin to shimmer with Happiness as you bury your face in my chest.
I feel and hear your crying while you tremble and collapse in my arms.
I pick you up, while your arms wrap around me instantly.
As I carry you out of this harsh environment,
You fall asleep with Serenity and Peace on your lips.
I can see that you are exhausted from your fight to stay alive and sane.
Looking at the area with which I find your weak state,
I am disgusted with myself that you were punished here.
Making a Vow to You and Myself,
This place will be Banished from your Thoughts
And will Never be Seen or Spoken of Again.

~© 2011 Andrew Boyd~
~© 2011 D. Caprice Todmann~

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


I would like to take this opportunity to profess my frustrations; and would like everyone to stay seated until the captain has removed the seat belt sign. 

Though I'm not one to whine like a wittle baby, I feel this is the opportune time to touch on something that's been getting under my skin; pricking me like a mosquito.  (stay with me...if you can)

Don't you just LOVE IT when people come to you and say, 'how are you?  you look great?  how is so and so?'  or 'OMG, where is so and so!? I love them so much!'    Normally being the smiley Starbritey person I am, I'll respond, 'oh just fine...they're okay,' but if you begin to make it a habit and the only time you speak to me is to find out how the other person is, I will have no other choice but to turn the other cheek (now kiss my ass).  How RUDE and annoying this has become for me on a daily.  I mean, come on...I know the intention, stop running yourself into that wall!   And since you don't quite understand the rammifcations of your actions; I will let you in on a will either be ignored, removed or just simply told a kind (sarcastic) word, so try to be considerate in your actions.    (beee boop)

*Spock voice* I just cannot compute their logic, captain.  (beee boop)

Dig on this...if you have their number...CALL THEM.  If you have their email, SEND A NOTE!  Stop coming to me to find out how they are.  I'll understand if you don't have ANY information on them...I get it!   I will graciously give you heads up on why you haven't heard from them or can't get in're not worthy enough to be given the information.  (OOPS...the number you dialed is currently out of service...don't call back)  So forgive me if I get testy because you're coming to me sending love to someone else THROUGH ME...over and over and over...continuously!!  I expect (and demand) you to speak to me directly or don't bother to waste your time!   (it's all about me in my just squirrels trying to jack me for my nuts

So please...stop following behind the shadows that aren't really there!  You're looking through jaded eyes and it is sooooo not becoming of you.  All you end up doing is playing yourself for a fool, my friend.  So I implore you, refrain from your fuckeries before it's too late.  I mean, if you have to remove me...DO IT, because people like you are a waste of my precious time!  BEEE BOOP!!


Oh and one more thing, I don't find bliss in continously ranting about things that bother me.  I have a NEED to release it from my space.  If I don't, there will be hell to pay.  So to keep my lollipops and sunshine, I must throw out the trash so that the sticky, dark entity doesn't capture my soul and turn me into a zombie!  BEEE BOOP  BEEEE BOOP

Thanks for flying Starbrite Airlines.  Hope you enjoyed the ride!  Take yo shit and be GHOST!  MUAHZ

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Illuminating The Darkness Within (A Caprice STARBRITE and Phoenix, The Reborn Duet)

Dark Rain creating a Bleakness deep within,
I Stand and Walk Alone Life's Black and Narrow Hall.
A Dismal Frame of Mind that is Comfortable as it suits me perfectly
For it reflects what is in My Heart.
I am a Machine; Unfeeling and Emotionless.
It's Non-Conformity at its best, making me Soulless.
I Love the Cold, for it keeps me warm.
Yet there is something inside of me, fighting to come to the surface...

Fighting with the strength of ten thousand minions
Scratching and clawing at my soul
Wondering if there will ever be any light that so many have spoken of
Draining me from life’s riches
Running from and to myself for refuge
I want to feel the light on my skin, basking in the greatness of its power...

I Keep Hope around my finger,
To Light my Dark Hours.
This is Illumination in its simplest form;
A Grand Force to be acknowledged by all.
You lit one candle in the Dark Room in My Head,
Showing me the Right Way Out of my Mindset.
The Black Clouds are lifting slowly
As the Light breaks its austere mannerisms,
Shining Brightly and Ushering in Blinding Utopia.

My Utopia is unmatched by the blinding of the darkness
For it is unforeseen by most that light can brighten the darkest of days
Emerging fully reborn from my cocoon
Stretching, reaching towards the powerful force
I don’t look back on what was, but what I am to become in the light
Using the light as my shield to guide me through
I will battle those entities that try and block me
Forcing me to see their wrath
Striking them with blow after blow
As I continue on my journey towards the light

The Darkness in the Light has faded;
A clear cut indicator that together We Made It.
Born anew in this World, the Lit Road is before us.
The Shimmer reflects on our Complexion,
As it Whites Out the Dullness of our Shadows.
I did not forget the Darkness; I am merely casting it aside
To see the Star Light Road that I wish to Ride.
A friend taught me to fight the Dark in order to see the Light,
For I can see a Brighter Future; Mentally and Emotionally Set things Right.
The Route is placed before me, It is now my Call.
Do I walk the Positive Trail, or traverse the Dark Hall?

Questions placed before me with answers already answered
I need not begin to question my path for I know where I need to be
Reveling and learning from the darkness is the only way to see the light clearly
Once you have opened your eyes to truly see, then you have arrived
Remembering and never forgetting
That the light and darkness go hand and hand
And guides us to a better understanding of self

~© 2011 Andrew Boyd~
~© 2011 D. Caprice Todmann~

Sunday, July 10, 2011


My lovelies, I know I've started and stopped and started and stopped blogging like I used to, but hopefully that will all change.  I have decided to do collabs with all who want to join in!  Anyone and everyone can be involved.  Bring a picture to the table with your contribution and we can begin from there.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011


You know it’s funny how you hold someone in high regard and then there is just one incident that could slither it's way in and change everything! Change your entire mindset!  There could be times when it’s over the top or very subtle in it's execution, but either way BOTH are worthy of a sweet demise. This has happened to me more than a couple of times, but I disgress.

Emotional winds subsiding into a slight whistling breeze as the clouds make way for the sun; revealing to you exactly what your eyes weren’t seeing when you were looking right at it all that time; but decided to turn a blind eye and live in the little world you created for yourself! Yea. That happened to me. I did that. I do that.  Yup.  Creating masks of an unrealistic world that can only be created and obliterate by you and you alone.

REVELATION!!! (the sweet sounds)

There has been a lot of dead layers of my mind shedding daily; almost as if my psyche was in a cocoon for years and finally awakening...reborn into a new and improved version of my self!  Revealing to me the true meanings of who I really am! 
I mean, I still sit and process several issues...specifically...and right now...why men (women betta ask somebody-LOL) NOW view me differently than they use to (or maybe it's just me going insane with my thoughts *shrug*). Lusting after me as their eyes case my body as if I’ll meow at a moments' notice; rubbing my myself against their leg purring; speaking to me with their actions (and eyes) as if to say that I’m not worthy of love and deep seeded passion...only for what I look like. (you know and I know I’m worthy...don’t be scared of my love!)

(wait, am I writing a blog or a story?  FOCUS STARR) 

This sex vixen thang is all new to me and I have no clue what I should or shouldn’t do!  What the hell am I doing to even give off that vibe?  (okay, sometimes I do it on purpose...I'm not stupid...but other times I don't have the strength and...STILLL) It’s becoming somewhat bothersome that I want to scream and start running and slapping randomly.  But there is three quarters of the time that it is a wonderful feeling to be deemed as a sexy sex kitten...THREE QUARTERS OF THE WAKE UP!!  How can you possibly have respect for me when my beauty and my booty is dancing on the "surface" of your eyes and in your mind as I walk pass??   LOOK...  O_O  yea...uh huh  (now I'm gonna have to work you over...just because and because...I can)

*singing* Where is the love? Where is the love that I seek to make my heart whole? Where IS he? Why am I still searching? Is the harsh reality that he will never find me or me...him?

I am mentally exhausted from thinking about this, as well as other things, and yes, I hear those infamous words ringing...he will come when you’re least expected or he's probably right in front of you or things will change (hell I've heard me say that to me) or it's your fault...what are you doing wrong...REALLY??  

All I know is this...(whatever and whenever it is) I will continue to live and take care of what I need to do for...ME...until that times come where my special someone and I can share a life together! 

Growth equals peace of mind if you are able to come to terms with yourself and see you for exactly who you are!  



Tuesday, March 15, 2011


NOTE:  Please read cartoon ABOVE if you can!

I know at this time I was supposed to be in the middle of a challenge but I fell short on the topics and got sidetracked doing other things.  But I wanted to keep my fingers a-tapping so I can at least stay in the realm of consistant verbiage; even if it turns into an episode of ramble babbling that might ensure for a quick run to therapy.  


Ah yes!!  The art of babbling is not for the meek at heart and not all are able to embrace the fullness of its being!   When there are woes weighing you down and your mind takes a turn for the right there to save you.  Even when there are times that are uplifting and beautiful...BABBLING is right there to give you the head nod...wassup!  Sometimes (I don't know if you feel that way) I feel there is always NOT a need to fill your mind with specific and organized subjects, topics and sitcha-ations.  Letting the fragments of our minds float aimlessly with no intended destination but to recycle them at a later date is a beautiful thing!  weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*screams...PUSH ME AGAIN DADDY!!*

I could go on "record" and discuss the shocking devastations that have been plaguing the world for years now, but I chose not to go their because of the deep rooted heaviness that is attached to it!  But what I COULD say is...If people would really see what they refuse to see, they would know these things are happening for a reason.  Wasn't it already written??  I'm just sayin...but I'm NOT!!  GOING!!  THERE!!

*screams...I SAID NO TEA IN MY COFFEE!!*

OR...I could talk about the blogs I read recently written by both men AND women about how the mistakes single women are making and what they're doing wrong and the steps they need to take on getting and keeping a man!  HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW!?  SMH  Aren't you writing from your own experiences?  What makes YOUR words THE GOSPEL?  Sit yo bitch asses down!  And the bad thing about it is...people will listen and agree ( made such great points!  BITE ME)!   One persons' experiences should not dictate another persons' life!  YOU are the purveyor of your own destinty and the ONLY one that can learn from your own experiences.  Oops...that just might be a Catch 22 because there are some that continue to do the same shit with the same shity shit so they need those random therapists to help them through the day to help them through their shit.  BUT...I'm not gonna take that road!  NOPE


I could go hard in on the many status' I've seen on FB where people profess and consistently showcase their intelligence; maybe to prove to others that they have a brain and can be deep thinkers or...they are the destiny of testaments gone before the latter barriers of time engulfed in the oneness of their superiority to the beauty of the land!   Yeaaaaaaa...okay!  


Yes indeedy...I could blog-iscize on so many topics but...why would I want to do that when the free-fall of my babbling thoughts randomly dance inside my head busting to get out?


Ahhh...the simplicity that BABBLING brings is like serendipidty!  WHY would you want a cure for it??


JINGLE:  "Saying what you feel is mighty real cause you gotta blame it on the boogie when you're a shooting star!"  *giggle*