You know it’s funny how you hold someone in high regard and then there is just one incident that could slither it's way in and change everything! Change your entire mindset! There could be times when it’s over the top or very subtle in it's execution, but either way BOTH are worthy of a sweet demise. This has happened to me more than a couple of times, but I disgress.
Emotional winds subsiding into a slight whistling breeze as the clouds make way for the sun; revealing to you exactly what your eyes weren’t seeing when you were looking right at it all that time; but decided to turn a blind eye and live in the little world you created for yourself! Yea. That happened to me. I did that. I do that. Yup. Creating masks of an unrealistic world that can only be created and obliterate by you and you alone.
REVELATION!!! (the sweet sounds)
There has been a lot of dead layers of my mind shedding daily; almost as if my psyche was in a cocoon for years and finally awakening...reborn into a new and improved version of my self! Revealing to me the true meanings of who I really am!
I mean, I still sit and process several issues...specifically...and right now...why men (women TOO...you betta ask somebody-LOL) NOW view me differently than they use to (or maybe it's just me going insane with my thoughts *shrug*). Lusting after me as their eyes case my body as if I’ll meow at a moments' notice; rubbing my myself against their leg purring; speaking to me with their actions (and eyes) as if to say that I’m not worthy of love and deep seeded passion...only for what I look like. (you know and I know I’m worthy...don’t be scared of my love!)
(wait, am I writing a blog or a story? FOCUS STARR)
This sex vixen thang is all new to me and I have no clue what I should or shouldn’t do! What the hell am I doing to even give off that vibe? (okay, sometimes I do it on purpose...I'm not stupid...but other times I don't have the strength and...STILLL) It’s becoming somewhat bothersome that I want to scream and start running and slapping randomly. But there is three quarters of the time that it is a wonderful feeling to be deemed as a sexy sex kitten...THREE QUARTERS OF THE TIME...now WAKE UP!! How can you possibly have respect for me when my beauty and my booty is dancing on the "surface" of your eyes and in your mind as I walk pass?? LOOK... O_O yea...uh huh (now I'm gonna have to work you over...just because and because...I can)
*singing* Where is the love? Where is the love that I seek to make my heart whole? Where IS he? Why am I still searching? Is the harsh reality that he will never find me or me...him?
I am mentally exhausted from thinking about this, as well as other things, and yes, I hear those infamous words ringing...he will come when you’re least expected or he's probably right in front of you or things will change (hell I've heard me say that to me) or it's your fault...what are you doing wrong...REALLY??
All I know is this...(whatever and whenever it is) I will continue to live and take care of what I need to do for...ME...until that times come where my special someone and I can share a life together!
Growth equals peace of mind if you are able to come to terms with yourself and see you for exactly who you are!
CAN YA DIG ME!?
FLY STARR PHOENIX...YOUR TIME IS NOW!!