Saturday, February 12, 2011

Truth Day Tres: Gotta do what I gotta do!





You're gonna have to forgive me (no pun intended...well...maybe) with this challenge because the days are numbered I felt the need to go in HARD just for myself.  Not because I HAVE to follow the rules of this 30 day Truth challenge, but because I WANT to, ya dig??  


On this day, I have to write about...Something I have to forgive myself for...


Whoaa...mama!!  Where do I begin??  Let's see...well...I have to say letting those in to my circle that were no good for me.  Women that spoke of being positive and righteous but in the end, had only one purpose, spat in my face and ran over me with a mat truck.  


Now...don't feel sorry for me, I allowed it to happen because of the state of mind I was in at the time.  I saw it unfold before my eyes (can I get a rewind??), but did nothing to stop it HOPING (damn hope, WE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE A TALK) it would change.  It never did so in the end, after a tornado hit, I knew deep down what I had to do.  Something that I should have done in the beginning when I first saw the signs.  I set them ablaze and scattered their ashes in the sewer.  Once the smoke cleared from the burning weeds that were choking the life out of me, I found a fragrant garden of roses.  (yaaaaaaaay) 


I sometimes believe it was wasted time (of course anything negative in your life is wasted time in some form), BUT...I know this for true...you HAVE to go through the fuckeries to get to the goodness of the matter; to find the beauty and that's what happened to me and thank goodness I found what I was looking for in the sistahs that are now in my life...FINALLY!!  (whew)


So I chant this...I forgive myself for letting my guard down; I forgive myself for believing in lies that I knew where lies but didn't want to face them because of my dream-like state.  I forgive myself for allowing them to make me feel less then myself.  I forgive you Starbrite, because you KNOW you are worthy of love!  


My head says...'Look.  The flowers are blooming and your sistahs are waiting for you up ahead!!  


*drops to knees, prays and runs happily up ahead*

3 comments:

Thee_Kween said...

THE PROMISED LAND!!! Yes, the land of self-forgiveness! So glad you'z be free nah. LOL

ABoyd378 said...

I feel you on this! If only we had a "Do Over" button in Life...

What is that old saying? "That which doesn't Kill Me, Makes me Stronger." And I felt your biceps, and you were SWINGING!! LMAO!

Reason, Season, and Lifetime. :-D

Caprice Starbrite said...

LOL...Thank ya Peaches! It be feeling so good chile!