Sunday, February 27, 2011

Truth Day Fourteen: WHY??

A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Okay, so, I wouldn't necessarily say that I had a "hero" in my life but there was someone I looked up to and they did in fact let me down as the years went by.

I'm speaking of one certain family member who will remain nameless because of the simple fact that they will be able to read this and I don't want any animosity.  I mean, if they can understand the basis of it, then we should have no problem.  But just to be on the safe side, I'm not going to mentioned exactly which family member.

Dear You:  I don't know what it was about you that made me love you so much as a child.  I really don't remember why.  All I can remember was that I wanted to be in your presence.  I listened and hung on your every word like it was gold.  

But as I got older, I started to see the real you and I wasn't particularly happy with it.  I realized that you manipulated every move you made to get what you wanted by putting me in the middle of it all and I don't think that was cool.  You put me down and made jokes when I needed you the most.  Why?  I mean, I loved you with all my heart and only wanted to love you but when I look back, it makes me think you only used me for your gain.  Wow!  Is that the way you treat someone you love?  Someone you exclaim to be more than anything to you??  You said I was really your "daughter" but what was it really??  I can't seem to wrap my mind around why you did what you did, but it's okay.  

I want to let you know, the feeling I had for you then, is not the same feeling I have  for you now.  I only love you "because" you're my family and nothing more.  I pulled away and you shouldn't ask why.  You should know why!  

Remember, I still love you, but you're not going to be let in to all my secrets and wantings. You will not be the one I run to when I have a problem.  These choices are tough but they have to be done.  I'm a different person and you are not who I thought you were.

With all my heart...



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