Saturday, February 12, 2011

Truth Day Four: Wooooooooow!





Okee dokee...Day 4...Something You Have to Forgive Someone for...


I have already forgiven someone years ago; and that person was my grandmother, my mother's mother and...my mother.  


Let me catch you up on the reasonings...


When I was born, I was not a "planned" pregnancy.  There were constant battles when I was born between my mom's family and my father's family (The Capulets and Montagues).  My father's family tried to deny me left and right because they did not like my mother for their son (they were wealthy and hypocritical and all that jazz).  Hell, he didn't want her either...just wanted to fuck her and he did!  I am the subject.  I know you've heard it all before.  


Anywhoo...there was a day in court I was told about when my mother tried getting child support and my father's family trying to say that it was NOT his child (get the results Maury).  From what I heard, the judge took one look at me and at my father and dismissed the case.  (come on son, I LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU) but as far as I know, she never got the money but he tried to stay "constant" in my life. *insert rolling eyes here*


My mother was still a kid herself and once I turned 4 years old, decided to give me away for a moment because she just couldn't handle the pressure of having a child.  Giving me to the one person I had hated with my heart and soul (I know, strong word but I did) and that was my grandmother; who was living in Washington State at the time.  


To make a long story short, she was mentally and physically abusive to me throughout my childhood.  I remember the day my mother came to visit and reached her arms out to me (still 4 years old at the time) and I became angry and began to cry.  I felt unwanted, unloved and I  DIDN'T understand.  I hated her too.  I screamed at her, 'I HATE YOU' and ran off into the other room; throwing myself on the bed in tears.  My grandmother came after me and physically MADE me greet my mother.  I went reluctantly; hurting and in tears without saying as much as a word to her.


Now grown and in my 20's, I told myself that everyone deserves a second chance and forgave my grandmother (as well as my mother) for everything that happen.  Both relationships flourished (as me and mother's continue).   


My grandmother and I never spoke on the subject of the past, but it was "understood." 


She passed away soon after my forgiving her and I was at peace with the fact that we got over that hump.  My mother and I continue to grow in our relationship and that makes me extremely happy!  


So in saying all of this...I can forgive, but I will never forget and I'm good with that.


Amen!

2 comments:

ABoyd378 said...

For one to have the Spirit in which you Possess, is nothing short of Amazing. They are VERY Few and Far between.

Thee_Kween said...

I can honestly say, I know how you feel. Yes, forgiveness is the key and no...you never forget. Brava to your truth.