Yea, I had a lot of obstacles I’ve endured that have plagued me for some time now and leave me feeling defeated; as if everything I’m doing is falling short; trying to shake the lies that seep into my psyche and strangle every strain of my being. The lies consistently whispering in my ear so that I no longer have to deal with my reality; listening intently yet screaming for it to leave me alone; screaming over the LIES that I can get over this hump and believe in myself enough to do it. I mean, the belief that others have in me send me deeper into a depression because they believe in me more than I believe in myself. When did this happen? How did I let this become apart of me? How did I lose some of the strength that made me believe in EVERYTHING and take on ANYTHING that came my way?? I’ll tell you what happened…Fear happened. Fear is one of the biggest liars on this earth and will make you believe anything if you let it take control of you. Fear of taking full advantage of the opportunities right there for the taking or for the asking because of my little cousin left removed…PRIDE!!
Right here is where I’m going with this…as defeated as I feel, I REFUSE to let it take complete control of me. Even going through a “bipolar” situation where I’m up; then down; then back up again…yes...no...stop...go; I know deep down I HAVE to go through the turmoil of my emotions to bring myself back to where I used to be! I am strong, obviously & surprisingly resilient enough to have gotten through what I’ve been going through and KNOW deep within my soul that things will change dramatically for the better. I am going to take responsibility of every advantage I can; putting my pride aside to accomplish some sort of peace of mind. Why shouldn’t I? Everyone else does…
What I’ve learned through this process, which has always been apart of who I am and never left me is that, nothing in my life happens gradually! It either happens with extreme force or not at all. Well right now, I’m opting for the extreme because this road I’ve been on has been cold; have received too many bruises; cried a million tears and am ready for the force of a hurricane to pick me up so that I can soar into the solitude I long for.
So no matter how many times I fall; no matter how many times I want to give up; no matter how many times I feel as if I’m alone in this world; no matter how many times I’m knocked down…I’m STILL here! I’m STILL standing! You tried tearing me down, but I’m HERE and there’s nothing you can do to change that!! I WILL make my way towards my appointed destination because…I CAN…I WILL…I AM RESILIANT…I AM A FIGHTER…I BELIEVE…I AM A STRONG BLACK WOMAN with lots of love surrounding me and this is all the more reason why…I ROCK!!!