Friday, March 26, 2010

PAST TENSE




So I missed writing my weekly blog last week and I’m is sorry. Sometimes ya gotta break and breathe, you know.

Anywayz, I wondered what the hell I would rant about and a couple of days ago it came to me! Mainly because I had seen someone from my “crazy” days walk up to me. It was like the past slapping me in my face and saying, ‘LOOK AT ME!’ I KNOW that eventually the people I used to hang out with, mess with, whatever will evenutally pop up on me at any given moment (even though New York is big, it just seems so damn small) and am never really ready for it when it happens. I do have regrets in even letting these people into my space, but of course I was in a different frame of mind then and was running through the city like a child going wild; but isn’t that what we’ve all done (some of us anyway because they’re righteous *insert middle finger here*). There are some I would rather see hit by a bus than even say hello to , but I know I’m better than that. I mean, no matter how much you try to forgive and forget, you will NEVER forget how that person treated you and want to wish them well, but want to spit in their face at the same time (I’m gangsta like that..WHAT?). The woman I saw recently was during those crazy times in my life and feel as if she would pull the past out of her hat and try to magically make me go back in time; even though she may not intend to. But hell, I will not take that chance. I turned on that Starbrite charm I have now attained and went through the song and dance of “OMG, it’s been so long...how have you been...wooooooooow...really...woooooooooow...we should hang out blah to the blah to the blah.” I graciously took her information but had no intentions on using it. I know you think that sounds cold, but (I don’t care) I’d rather be fake-nice than go to my “dark place” and go Exorcist and shit. (Demi, why jew do dis to me, Demi) They’re not worth my time space continum and my sanity won’t allow such fuckery to exist in my spaceship (Roger that...over and out).

My life is at its best for THE FIRST TIME and I refuse to let those that caused me a whole lot of stress, bring that shit back. The people that I have accepted in my life right now are all that I need to get by (sing it with me). I don’t have the need to drop and roll and watch my back on every damn given day; paranoid that the Oz is going keep me locked in a room (damn flying monkeys...SHOOO) with no chance of escaping. I can’t live like that and will not bring my past back in to fuck my shit up, ya heard me?? And just so you know, I’m speaking about a relationship gone wrong; a platonic friendship that soured and that person you messed around with a little but regrets it (what the hell was I thinking type sitcha-ations) type people.

So, I leave you to chew on this a little...are you GROWN enough to be gracious with someone that treated you like shit in the past or will you stab em? I’m just asking.

HOLLA ATCHA GIRL...

2 comments:

Butterfly Effect said...

Girl, with my attitude, I might have to answer this another day. I may not stab em in the back though. I will definitely rub my current life in their face..a lil! And you killing me with the movie references..too funny! LOL

VioletSyn said...

If I was my former self, the question would really be how MANY times will I dig the knife in them?! LMAO..Seriously you are all grown up now and you are so far beyond the person you once was unfortunately some people in your past are still stuck in the past and refuse to let you forget who you once were (those heathens!). Life is about growing, learning, fucking up, learn some more, get some enlightenment and doing it all over again....so my present state, I would and have been fake-nice with people from my past that did me dirty b/c I'm a better model of who I once was and they REALLY don't want me to brandish the steel, son!